The White Kami: A Novel — A Closer Reading

hough afar off now, heard and shouted unquenchably: “Another one for me, Maud! You’re all right, Teddy! You’re a good boy! ‘Drink to me only with thine eyes....’” Her voice strode irrepressibly off in song.

Stella half consciously heard too; and, out in the kitchen, her hands in the eternal suds of dish-washing, it set her thrilling over one of the golden sentences in that chapter where Irmengarde steals out to view the ruins by moonlight.

“For one who has kissed as I have kissed,” sighed Irmengarde, “there are no longer any mysteries in the world!”

So long as her hands were immersed in the kitchen suds, Stella could more or less successfully build up about her an illusion of romance, for it is perhaps the one solid virtue of dish-washing that it releases the mind to rambles far afield. However, this task completed and the pan on its peg, life slumped again badly.

She had not, it is true, always felt this way—until quite recently, in fact, had not been greatly concerned about the things that didn’t go with her destiny. But she had encountered the novel heroine Irmengarde, and then—well, then the letter from Elsa, brief but wonderful, and really the first letter since they were small girls living on the same street—before the Utterbournes began mysteriously to rise. There had been postcards through the years: now and then from the eastern school where Elsa had gone so young to escape domestic unpleasantness; sometimes, later on, a card startlingly from Europe or the Orient. For her part, Stella had answered as many as she could with long, impulsive letters, in which lay revealed the germ which had at length so unhappily sprung to flower.

Of course Elsa was never very demonstrative, and a postcard is only a postcard; but that she hadn’t forgotten was the essential fact. Then, at last, the letter: “I’m going to open the house in Berkeley for dad. He’s been living at his club long enough, he says. When I get there I’ll look you up.”

Stella had waited, and watched the mails eagerly for another glimpse of Elsa’s thrilling scrawl. Perhaps she would ask her over to tea. Or perhaps she would take her to a matinée and they would pour out their hearts to each other afterward. However, the time since Elsa must have reached town had at length run into weeks—and no word.

Stella thought of phoning; had even sketched problematical telephone conversations; but hadn’t, after all, brought herself to do it. There was something about Elsa—well, something that always made approaches a little difficult. This seemed a part of her almost terrible charm. Yet once they had come together again, everything would be quite simple and natural. And so restlessly did she long for a breath of that richer life, that at last she asked herself: “Why not just go and see Elsa without waiting to hear—just drop in as though I happened to be passing by? I’ll do it!” Her day gave promise of turning out rather better than it had begun.

A desperately conventional maid seated her in the Berkeley drawing room. Then there was a long, long wait.

Stella, nervously fingering her gloves, adjusting and readjusting her hat, had plenty of time to note her surroundings: a room sumptuous yet severe, but above all incommunicative—formal to a degree which suggested its ostracism from familiar domestic uses; yes, forbidding. It was like a blind, a decorous façade, behind which who knew what might be in progress? And the silence—something almost ominous—a sense of something beyond or underneath it all....

She rejoiced in the luxury, but at length grew restive, as ten, fifteen, twenty minutes—half an hour crept by. She stirred, coughed. Finally she crossed the room. Just as she reached the door, however, the spell was broken.

A figure came racing down the stairs. It was Elsa—an active girl, yet inscrutably calm, heavy dark curly hair and very droopy eyes at once extremely soft and extremely bold, and possessed of a kind of unassailable bovine quality. She stopped abruptly at sight of Stella, stood a moment facing her with an expression of wholly tactless blankness, then came forward with hands hospitably extended.

“Stella—you old peach! Hello there!” They kissed lightly. “Please forgive me. I forgot all about you.”

Stella wished she hadn’t come; but her friend went on with really disarming cordiality: “We can talk for a couple of minutes while the car’s being brought round. I’m sorry I have to run off. I’ve been rushed to death getting ready for my dance—the biggest thing I ever attempted, and a good deal of a bore, but I’m horribly indebted.” (The Utterbourne family tree was aristocratic—men now and then in public life, and streaks of real genius, always more or less money—and of course the social fruits were proportionate.) “Sit down.” Her eyes drooped very much indeed at the corners.

Certainly Elsa couldn’t be called a snob; the fact is, she was so very much at ease with everybody that no one could accuse her of not treating all people exactly alike. There was even something a little humorous in her utter disregard of anything even approaching the conventions; and what made it the more surprising just now was her background of the most immaculate conventionality.

Stella leaned forward, obviously constrained, and wriggled nervously. “You mustn’t let me keep you.” But Elsa gazed at her in a perfectly steady yet detached manner, and exclaimed out of a silence which, it was clear, bore no impress of awkwardness for her: “You’re looking ripping!”

Stella longed to throw her arms around Elsa and free her heart of its accumulated turbulence. Instead they merely sat facing each other on conventional chairs.

Talk of the dance resumed. “A week from tomorrow—I’m dreadfully excited.” The girl’s eyes drooped pleasantly, however, and certainly didn’t display any excitement to speak of. She just gazed on, with disconcerting blankness; and since it couldn’t have occurred to her that any embarrassment might accompany this frank chatter about the approaching festivity, it must have been sheer impulse that brought out the suggestion: “If you’d care to come, Stella, I’ll see you get an invitation. Aunt Flora’s engineering everything. If you like I’ll give her your name.”

All very quiet, ordinary, off-hand; yet Stella flushed and felt her heart plunged into confusion. She was at once delighted and terrified. “I shouldn’t know a single person but you—I’m afraid....” Pride, at first, prevented her framing it any more forcefully; but the next moment she felt so very wretched about her life that her pride just caved in and she was faltering, though with a stiff little laugh: “I’m afraid a ball gown would be a good deal of a problem!” Her eyelids were burning. She was furious. She felt crushed.

Elsa’s gaze was still upon her, yet it was plain her friend’s commotion of soul made no overwhelming impression. Her eyes drooped to signify a forthcoming confidence. “If you’ll promise not to let it out—we’re planning to announce something that night—during the supper dance!” Stella thought miserably of her own lagging and forlorn engagement. But it didn’t appear that the other girl, with everything so bewilderingly romantic, was particularly thrilled. All at once, her expression never changing, she disconcertingly demanded: “Was that the horn?” and strode to the door. “Let me take you wherever you’re bound for, Stella—I’ve a little time to spare. Sorry I can’t stay and talk.”

“Oh, thanks—I think I’ll just be going back to San Francisco. Please don’t bother, Elsa.”

“Come along. I’ll take you as far as the ferry.”

The doggy little car in which one sat luxuriously low gave one a sense of distinction, made one forget, even, that in a few short hours there would be dish water again. Elsa drove expertly. She could almost have driven a locomotive. Stella, a little bewildered by the rate at which things had moved since her slow wait in the silence of the drawing room, watched her friend with awe and admiration. The only trouble with the ride to the ferry was its appalling brevity. And Elsa’s affectionate drawl was in her ears: “Here we are. I’m going to look you up one of these days. Bye-bye.” She nodded pleasantly without smiling, and Stella alighted.

“Oh, by the way—hold on a minute.” Elsa dove into one of the car’s leather pockets and with blithe tactlessness produced a current _Vogue_. “It will amuse you going across, and you’ll find some nifty patterns near the back.”

A moment later she had departed, full speed in a bath of blue smoke—breezed off exactly as she had breezed in, leaving behind her a vast unhappy vacuum. Stella felt desperately let down. It was only now she realized how much she had counted on Elsa.

“I’ll never hear from her again,” she brooded darkly; for she was rather given to indulging in premonitions. Of course there would be no invitation to the dance. Elsa would tremble for what her friend might arrive in! She beat back the tears angrily with her lashes. This was all that had come of her hopeful, desperate little expedition.

In the plodding ferry boat Stella thumbed the fashions, her mood growing ever darker. “What will come next?” she muttered. The murk of discontent settled thicker and thicker in her heart, like the fog across the harbour, where whistles were hooting “Beware!” on every side.

At about the same hour that Stella reached her decision to call on Elsa Utterbourne, the employes of the business houses along lower Market street were streaming out into the hazy noon in quest of lunch, the stomach being sovereign and benevolent tyrant there as in all walks of life. A few had brought lunches from home wrapped in a bit of paper, and among these was Jerome Stewart, an employe of Oaks, Ferguson & Whitley, Ships’ Chandlers. He was one of a little group sprawled on the doorstep of a wholesale candy factory which made a leader of forty-nine-cent chocolates. He sat huddled somewhat, his knees raised so high as to provide a very slanting table indeed for his stock of viands. However, the clerk was quite unconscious of the fact that his position in the universe might not be considered a thing of overwhelming delight.

He never had anything much to say at these times—a dearth which by no means applied all round. A clerk from a fishing tackle store was delivering a very graphic lecture on the difficult art of casting for bass, and exacted the half guarded attention of the little group.

“The mistake most fishermen make is to whip their rod when they cast—like that.” You saw exactly. “But,” he demonstrated, “the right way is like this—v-e-r-y gently.”

Jerome thought he would like to be able to cast well. “I suppose it’s only a knack,” he mused. But how did one go about it to learn the knack? The tackle clerk might have told him, in a general way: application, patience; but Jerome seldom carried his inchoate ambitions that far.

Another clerk, though his profession was selling typewriters, had a passion for architecture, and began expatiating a trifle thickly across his hard boiled egg. And Jerome followed him with considerable interest, musing in much the same strain as before. Still, Jerome had never, at best, felt more than a flirtatious interest in architecture, though he had talked some of studying it on the side. Well, when analysed, it proved to be pretty much in a class with many other idle ambitions: for example, the sea. The sea, oddly enough, had come very near amounting to a passion with Jerome Stewart. He had spoken rather grandly once of taking to the high seas. Even to this day a mild penalty pursued him; one of the group, suddenly leaning over to jog his shoulder, urged:

“Come on! You haven’t done your jig for months. Boys, are we going to let him sit here and hide his talent?”

The crowd laughed goodnaturedly. “Sure! Out you go! Limber up!” And there was a shuffling movement, as though the clerk might be about to find himself precipitated on to the sidewalk, where an admiring ring would form.

Jerome, however, had a very well developed sense of his own dignity. He resisted, and the interest waned; however, it was quite true that he had an accomplishment. In the dim long ago, a seaman at the waterfront had taught him the hornpipe. Those were the brave, adventurous days. But after all, he had been content in the end to take up ship chandlery; and it must ever remain not the least of his humiliations that once when the chance came to go out for a day in a fishing tug he had grown fatally reluctant at the last moment because, to his land-locked eyes, there was a deal of a sea slopping in. Jerome had come at length to take it modestly for granted that nearly everything in life was more or less unattainable.

As he consumed his bread and cheese, with a generous dessert of home-made cocoanut cake in the offing, the clerk scanned such snatches of relatively current news as revealed themselves down the columns of the _Chronicle_ from which his banquet had emerged. This helped him keep posted on the affairs of the great world. Sometimes there would be only advertisements, in which case he knew how to accommodate himself without a struggle. Or it would be the sporting page, and he always liked that. Jerome seldom saw a game, but, like most normal individuals, read the sporting news religiously—almost superstitiously. Today it was mostly small type about stock and bond matters. Sometimes he wondered dimly about the stock exchange. But after all it was no great matter, one way or another.

Some young lady stenographers, arms linked and lips vocal with fun, strolled past, leaving in their wake a havoc of masculine eyes. One of the clerks sketchily whistled a perfectly unsuggestive tune suggestively. The little passing thrill subsided; and then Jerome began thinking about his own affair of the heart. It was a curious thing, but the clerk, although he saw her nearly every day, could never conjure in his mind a wholly satisfactory picture of the girl he was going to marry. There was no doubt about his loving her. He loved her very much indeed. Besides, he was very anxious to be married; the desire for a hearth of his own “and kiddies” was firmly fixed in his soul. But it was always just a little through a haze that he saw the girl herself. He could never, for one thing, remember definitely whether she had a dimple; though he knew she was fair, with fresh colour, and that her hair looked like gold when the sun caught it right.

Jerome filled his short little pipe and lighted it. The pipe always gave him a faintly jaunty feeling. If he ever thought of his destiny as a bit obscure it was certainly never at such times as this. And at worst, though his destiny obviously lacked a great many things he more or less desired, he wouldn’t be willing to change it for anybody else’s.

The world moved busily on every side, heeding him not a bit. Every one, as a matter of fact, had more important things to do than notice a chandlery clerk who wasn’t even sure if his girl had a dimple. What all the world missed, therefore, was a young man of about twenty or so, thin but quite well built, a little unkempt, with a somewhat sallow look. His hair was parted in the middle, and in the back it overlapped his collar just a trifle—it was that kind of hair. His clothes had been, in their jeunesse, a bit loud, which would be a weakness belonging to his years and the fact that he was engaged; but they had never fitted any too well, and long continuance of careless carriage had scarcely improved matters in this direction. Finally, he wore a bright tie which was fastened near its extremities to his shirt by means of a patent clip. The clip seemed urging his shoulders forward and downward. Yes, upon the whole he seemed pretty obscure; yet it wasn’t that he didn’t want to learn the knack of life, but only that he thought he couldn’t.

Some whistles blew presently, and a city clock boomed. The group on the steps of the candy factory broke up, and Jerome took his way back to the ancient and musty mercantile house with all sorts of things pertaining to ships displayed in the windows. He proceeded automatically to a special peg and hung up his hat, encountering in the vicinity Mr. Ormand Whitley, the junior partner, indulging in a drink of water at the old-fashioned cooler. Whitley was only seventy-five and decidedly spry yet. He eyed the returning clerk over a crockery cup and very solemnly announced, with a gesture toward the water:

“My boy, that killed off every one once except Noah and a few animals!”

And then he laughed—a laugh which had a bursting start, like the operation of a steam valve. Yes, there was something undeniably frivolous about the junior partner, even though, curiously enough, his head made one think instantly of the head of some profound Greek philosopher. It might almost have been the head of Socrates.

Closing time never found Jerome napping. His legs had been wrapped all the afternoon about the rungs of his stool with the cheerful yet sluggish permanence one encounters commonly in the plant kingdom; but now he unwound them, took down his hat, and went out into a thick winter fog. His legs really belonged somewhat in the category of beanpoles, but they carried him over the ground. His gait, indeed, possessed a slightly headlong quality, without being quite eager. All his movements seemed a little automatic, even his head being held at a more or less fixed angle—a habit indubitably acquired through prolonged association with the ledger, and encouraging a suspicion that to change its focus a lever somewhere would have to be touched, or a spring pressed.

Some blocks along he caught sight, through the fog, of a familiar back, a little in advance, and the automatic walk accelerated to an automatic dog-trot.

“Stella!” He was grinning all over with welcome.

She raised her head abruptly and returned his greeting, with just that degree of impatience which is likely to accompany a rebound from startled solitude.

“What are you doing ’way down here at such a time of night?”

She told him, a bit curtly, of her visit to Elsa. Ordinarily she would have taken a car uptown from the ferry terminus, but today it had occurred to her that exercise might tend a little to relieve her sense of depressing futility. So far as he was concerned, it had been a most happy decision.

They walked on together, talking of immediate things, or not talking at all; and he kept sliding his admiring eyes round for brief surveys of the fair face he could never seem to keep vividly in his mind. It rather exasperated Stella to be looked at this way. She might, she thought, almost as well be an article in any one of the shop windows they were passing. At length she demanded:

“Is something the matter with my hat?”

“No, indeed! I like it very much, Stella.”

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“You seem rather mad. Anything up?”

She shook her head, and there followed a space of silence, during which she was conscious, as never hitherto, of her companion’s imperfections. It couldn’t be denied—the engagement was dragging. There wasn’t even a ring. They had decided for the present to call themselves engaged and save the money a ring would cost. Today, however, she eyed her vacant finger scornfully, and remembered with a turbulent pang how Elsa had whispered her own forthcoming engagement; what a romantic, exciting engagement it promised to be; such a propitious beginning!

“Well,” she sighed at length, rebelling against so wooden a silence, “anything new at the store today?”

“No,” Jerome laughed shortly.

“Doesn’t anything ever happen there?”